Q: Thanks for finding the time to speak with us today, Mondo Zax. I know you don't usually do interviews.
A: Don't like interviews. Questions annoy Mondo. Things die when Mondo gets annoyed.
Q: Good to know. You're a Chua, right? Tell me about that.
A: Chua best inventors in galaxy. Make stuff to make empire more powerful. Using science!
Q: You Chua are also quite notorious for your... sense of humor?
A: Yes! Chua like making people laugh.
Q: Really? I've heard that victims of your pranks suffer a 68% fatality rate.
A: Lies! Fatality rates for pranks NEVER less than 79%!
Q: Didn't mean to sell you short. Can you give me an example of one of your pranks?
A: Certainly. Reporter asks nosy questions. Mondo straps reporter with explosives. Mondo laughs.
Q: Let's talk more about you specifically. What was your childhood like?
A: Mondo's childhood very difficult. Smallest of twelve siblings. Siblings treated Mondo badly.
Q: I see. You weren't on good terms with them?
A: Excellent terms! Once they were gone...
Q: Right. Rumor has it they all disappeared under mysterious circumstances.
A: "Unexplained." Not "mysterious."
Q: Care to comment further?
A: Sure. You remind Mondo of his siblings. Gives Mondo ideas...
Q: Ahem. Moving on. You, um, overcame all these...obstacles...and became renowned for your mechanical ingenuity. And then the Dominion decided to give you a job?
A: Yes! Made Mondo Chief Technologist of DRED.
Q: DRED? What's that?
A: Hmmm. Mondo could tell you. But much more efficient to kill you and forget you asked question.
Q: Err, that sounds rather extreme...
A: Mondo only kidding! About the forgetting part.
Q: Is DRED, uh, short for something?
A: Dominion Research and Experimentation Division. Top secret. Unlimited funding. Makes deadly technology for empire.
Q: So basically you sit around and dream up new and exciting ways to blow stuff up?
A: Not always. Only some things explode.
Q: What else do you make?
A: Skeletal vaporizers. Defoliant sprinklers. Tank melters. Death beds. Human cannons. Attack-o-lanterns. And many, many more.
Q: Like the Planet Reapers you designed to ravage Arboria?
A: Arboria? Arboria...ah, yes! Planet 45658b. High mineral content. Mildly useful.
Q: Did you feel bad about the populace you dispossessed?
Q: The Aurin? They lived there.
A: You mean Treegazers? Barely sentient. Extinction best solution.
Q: Some say the Planet Reapers are the most horrifying machines ever invented.
A: Flattery appreciated! But those just prototypes. Working on bigger model. More fuel-efficient. Runs on prisoners of war.
Q: Hm. Well, hope that works out for you. Tragically, looks like we're out of time. Thanks again for speaking with us, Mondo. Wait...what's that thing in your hand?
A: Organ Immolator.
Q: Really? Awesome! What does it do?
A: Superheats internal organs of victims.
Q: Hold on...why are you pointing it at me?
A: Field test.
Q: Actually, being subjected to scientific experiments is no longer in my contract...
A: Hold still. Might hurt a bit.
Q: Uh. No, wait...please...ARRRGGGHHHHH! MY PANCREAS! IT BUUURRRNNNSSS!
A: Interviews fun! Can't wait for next time.
It’s show time! Sara Conavius is in town to help renovate your homes for the best program on holovision.
Kill more and get more in this limited-time challenge.
Reach new levels of Primal power with double the acquisition of Crimson, Cobalt, and Viridian Primal Essence!