Character: Malvolio Portius
Q: Hello. Malvolio, isn't it? I'd like to thank for taking the time to speak to me today.
A: Oh, don't mention it. No seriously, it's my pleasure to be here. I mean, what ever else might someone as important and influential as myself have to do other than sit here and talk to you? Ha! I'm mostly joking of course.
Q: I have to admit, you're the first Cassian I've ever met...
A: Congratulations! You must feel very privileged.
Q: Sure. But let's talk a little more about you...
A: My favorite subject.
Q: I can see that. What can you tell me about being a Cassian?
A: Oh, life is challenging when you're a highborn Cassian like myself. Of course, it’s undoubtedly very difficult for normal people to comprehend.
Q: Please, do your best to explain.
A: Very well. Imagine that you're smarter, stronger, and just generally more capable than almost everyone who surrounds you. Actually, forgive me. I highly doubt you're able to imagine it. It's such an unbelievable burden.
Q: I'm pretty sure I get it...
A: No, wait! Let me paint a picture for you - using simple words, of course. From the moment you're born, there is an expectation that you will lead the empire to its great destiny. Is that clear?
A: Really? I'm not sure you're quite seeing it the way I do. No surprise, of course. Not your fault. You simply don't have the pedigree to do so.
Q: Let's move on. I hear that the Cassians and the Eldan have some history.
A: We most certainly do. The Eldan chose my people to establish the Dominion almost two-thousand years ago, and I'd say we've more than risen to the challenge. That being said, ruling the galaxy hasn't always been easy - regardless of the fact that we do it with such impeccable style.
Q: Given that history, I would assume that you have an interest in planet Nexus?
A: Your grasp of the obvious is truly astounding. Of course I have an interest in planet Nexus, you half-wit! It represents the legacy granted to us by the Eldan so long ago! Nothing could be of more importance.
Q: Then you must not be too happy about the Exiles' having discovered it.
A: I would beg you not to insult me by discussing that galactic scum in my presence.
Q: But don't you think that they have a right to be there since they found it first?
A: I am going to try and ignore the fact that you asked such a ridiculously stupid question. What I will say is that when one's house is infested with vermin, one has little choice but to exterminate those vermin as quickly and thoroughly as possible.
Q: I can see this is upsetting you. Let's change the subject. Tell me more about the Dominion.
A: What's to tell? It's just your standard, all-powerful interstellar empire that has conquered all of the known races in the galaxy. It's quite impressive, you know.
Q: All of the known races? I seem to recall you had some difficulties on planet Gnox...
A: You really are becoming a nuisance.
Q: I just want to get the facts straight. Can you talk to me about the other races in the empire?
A: Oh, very well. There's the Draken of planet Mikros. Savage fellows, to say the least. Difficult to have at a dinner party, but there's none better when it comes to pure, unadulterated violence.
Q: And then there's those robots...
A: You mean the Mechari? Yes. Rather serious chaps, being engineered by the Eldan and all that. I wouldn't exactly call them personable, but they do a spectacular job of protecting the empire.
Q: Anyone else?
Q: Are you sure? I could have sworn that I saw...
A: Very sure. Next question.
Q: Okay. How would you describe the Cassians' role in the Dominion?
A: Well! I don't mean to toot our proverbial horn, but the Dominion would absolutely fall to ruin without the wisdom, intelligence, and exemplary leadership of my people.
Q: Don't you think that maybe you're overstating the importance of the Cassians just a bit?
A: Let me ask you a question. Does your utter lack of intelligence often embarrass you so spectacularly?
Q: I'd say we're done here.
A: Yes? Good. I think I'll go have a lie down.
It’s show time! Sara Conavius is in town to help renovate your homes for the best program on holovision.
She’s excavating treasures from all over Arcterra to stuff inside small golden orbs.
These ship-busters are scientifically designed to fill you with shopping satisfaction.