WildStar Wednesday: Protostar Gala Winterfest Extravaganza
By Phineas T. Rotostar - December 26, 2012
FROM THE DESK OF PHINEAS T. ROTOSTAR
Hello there! I'm Phineas T. Rotostar. Here at the Protostar Corporation, we understand that the holidays are a special time for everyone, full of celebration, good cheer, and a healthy lack of financial inhibition. Many of you may also be making the long journey to the mysterious planet Nexus, where you will be surrounded by strange individuals with unfamiliar holiday traditions that might be unsettlingly different from your own. So in order to create a festive, multi-cultural environment that promotes peace and profitability through the spirited exchange of reasonably priced and questionably useful gifts, Protostar now proudly presents:
PROTOSTAR'S GALA WINTERFEST EXTRAVANGA by PROTOSTAR!
That's right! During Protostar's Gala Winterfest Extravaganza by Protostar, you are guaranteed a pleasantly vague and non-threatening holiday event that is sure to meet an acceptable percentage of your expectations! What's it all about? We don't care in the slightest! Just so long as it involves mirth, merriment, and a steady, profitable stream of gift purchases for those you may or may not hold near and dear. It's all about fellowship! Peace! Goodwill! And amazingly low prices you won't believe on some of Protostar's most popular gift items!
- For the Granok mercenary in your life, why not pick them up a bottle of Protostar Brand "Executive's Choice" Quintuple-Strength Stain-Removing Lager? Nothing is harder to get out of a hard-working Granok's stony skin than bloodstains - and with our product, your special someone can get suitably inebriated at the same time!
- Shopping for the Aurin who has everything? Be sure to stock up on a case of Uncle Phineas's Old Tyme Aurin Tail Freshener, coming to you courtesy of Protostar's Heavy Weapons and Fragrances division. Every Aurin wants his or her tail to be at its freshest this holiday season, so consider giving this gift a few days early!
- Humans are never easy to shop for, with their confusingly diverse opinions on everything from intergalactic politics to personal hygiene. That's why Protostar suggests officially-licensed, universally-accepted Protostar Brand Gift Cards - suitable for purchasing any item manufactured by the Protostar Corporation! And fully refundable in the case of death!
But that's not all! As Protostar's Gala Winterfest Extravaganza by Protostar goes into full swing, you will be able to participate in fun-filled corporate-sponsored celebrations across Nexus - each guaranteed to nominally resemble many beloved holiday traditions from throughout the galaxy. And at Protostar, we bring winter to you! Using our patented Sno-Blo technology, Protostar will transform any community into a magical wintery wonderland - providing endless hours of holiday mirth and mayhem. And don't forget: a friendly, highly-trained, and moderately knowledgeable Protostar salesperson will never be more than a few steps away, ready to sell you the perfect gift at an almost imperceptibly inflated price.
So do yourself a favor! Forget all of those stressful holiday traditions that are inevitably weighed down with cultural and emotional baggage. Instead, come and celebrate with us at Protostar's Gala Winterfest Extravaganza by Protostar...where your disposable income will help reveal the true spirit of this special season!
That's Protostar - making all your holiday wishes come true. For money!